How to stop kids vaping...

Ah, the joys of childhood! The days when broccoli was the enemy, and Brussels sprouts were those pesky green invaders that were definitely not of this Earth. But as we sauntered into the so-called adulthood, our palate started appreciating these once-loathed delights. And now, in a bid to reclaim vaping for the refined taste of grown-ups and deter our tech-savvy teens, here are some tantalisingly adult, food-inspired vape flavours:

1. Olive Ordeal: This vape captures the full journey of the olive, from the early moments of 'why would anyone eat this?' to the more refined 'ah, this is perfect with a martini'. Bitter at the start with a smooth finish, it's the perfect metaphor for adulthood.

2. Truffled Tribulations: If there's one thing kids can't stand more than green veggies, it's the overpowering, earthy aroma of truffles. This vape brings all the heady richness of a truffle oil-drizzled pasta, ensuring no teen would dare take a second puff.

3. Anchovy Anguish: Salty, fishy, and oh-so-divisive, the anchovy is a perfect emblem of acquired tastes. Perfect for the adult who enjoys strong flavours and stronger reactions from horrified onlookers.

4. Bitter Gourd Bemoan: Embracing the bitterness of life, or in this case, the gourd, this vape gives you all the sharp, palate-cleansing bitterness without the hassle of actually cooking it.

5. Blue Cheese Blues: One whiff of this pungent delight and any self-respecting teen would sprint in the other direction. Creamy, mouldy, and oh-so-adult, it’s a flavour that says, "I pay taxes and enjoy confusing cheeses."

6. Fermented Fiasco: This blend features the finest of fermented foods, from sauerkraut to kimchi. An acquired taste that tells the young ones, "This isn't your playground anymore."

7. Unsweetened Cocoa Conundrum: The ultimate test of maturity: can you handle chocolate without the sugar? This vape offers the deep, intense flavours of pure cocoa, a bitter symphony that only a mature palate can dance to.